Do you Answer?
June 27, 2006
In about a month I start training to become a priestess. A lot of people are asking me why I’m doing this. “Am I just doing it for myself,” they ask? “Is it going to be a career?”
The only is answer is that I’m doing it because it’s what I have to do. But that’s not entirely true. I could refuse. It’s a calling, not an order. That’s what’s so interesting about a calling – you can say no. I sure did for a while, and I’m sure most people do too. Think about – what would you do if you suddenly got a phone call and heard,
“Hi, Carly, it’s God. Just wanted to let you know that you got the job. I know you didn’t realize that you were applying for one – no one ever seems too, must talk to Michael about that, but you’ve got it. Take a little time and think about it. It’s a hard job and the pay isn’t always great, but be sure to check out the benefits package. What you earn in spiritual fulfillment, is really unbeatable.”*
You’d check to make sure someone hadn’t spiked your cocoa – that’s what you’d do.
I’m doing this because I need to do it. I have a choice, and I choose this road. I know it’s not going to be easy. I know it’s not something most people can or will understand. I know that and I still know I need to do this.
Now comes all the personal struggle and doubt. I start questioning my actions, my worth, my goals, my sanity. None of that matters – I’m still going to do it. Then I start imagining the first training intensive, and worry that the other women won’t like me. Worse – they won’t respect me and I’ll fail. And again, it doesn’t matter – I’m still walking this path.
How? I take one step at a time. I put one foot in front of the other. I banish the doubts of others. I gather my friends closer and hope they’ll understand this. I pray they’ll stand by me and support me. I’m doing this because deep down, at my truest self, it’s who I am. I think that’s what scares me the most.
*Not exactly word-for-word, but you get the point.
Also posted to Peeling a Pomegranate
Technorati Tags: kohenet, priestess, training, calling, fears, doubts, judaism
Comments»
You know you’ve got my support! This is the first thing I talk about when I’m describing you to others. This is how I’ve always seen you. Your calling was manifesting itself behind your back!
This is SO awesome!!! I’m so excited and proud that you’re taking this big leap and we are all behind you 120%!!!