Anger Management
May 23, 2006
So I guess, now is as good a time as any to mention the fact that I am planning a wedding…my own, to be precise. As event planning is part of my 9-5 gig, I gave all of my engaged friends hard times when they complained about the trials and tribulations of coordinating their “Big Day.” Now I understand that they were talking not about linens and china, but about the family politics that infiltrate every noun, verb, and adjective of wedding planning.
I’ve learned a lot over the past few months, about myself, my fiance, and how to make both of us happy. The first of many lessons I have begun to implement is anger management. Of course, there’s the usual counting to 10 (or sometimes 100), taking frustration out on the stairmaster, and stewing until I feel like a well-done carrot, but I’ve added another component - writing. It has affected my stress level and the way I communicate with my fiance, both for the better.
I know, I know, everyone says to do it, but I’ve finally found a way that works for me. I borrowed a concept from Japanese shrines. When you visit a shrine, you can choose to receive your fortune on a small slip of paper. If that fortune turns out to be less then optimal, you are invited to tie it to a tree before exiting the shrine, with the intent of leaving your trouble behind.
I decided to start writing down my “troubles” on snippets of paper - little strips to make sure I have only enough room to get to the point. After they are out of my head, I feel much calmer and capable of “leaving them behind.” Reading them, rather than replaying dialogue in my head, helps to clarify my thoughts and keeps me from making mountains out of molehills. I collect my snippets at the end of the day (if there are any) and decide which are necessary to share with my fiance and which I need to deal with on my own.
This structured way of dealing with “those little things that can turn into big things if not handled correctly” has made me saner and my fiance less scared 
I highly recommend!
Technorati Tags: anger, coping, relationships, wedding, peace
Comments»
I carry a little notebook around just for this purpose! I call it my “banishing notebook.” The idea is to write stuff down that I shouldn’t say out loud — and get it out of my head. I never go back and read the stuff. Maybe I should start tying the pages to trees!